April 2015

Selflessness-the Marriage Mender

I promised myself that I would never write a blog about relationships because, well, I suck at relationships. Nevertheless, in an effort to make myself a liar……here it goes.

In my opinion, the most important relationship is between me and the big guy, aka Jesus. The second most important relationship is between me and my wife. I already have one failed marriage under my belt. Therefore, when I said “I do” again, I meant it. However, as the years passed, the aggravations, the hurts, and the disappointments, piled up on both of us.

Well, today my marriage is not so bad. In fact, it’s great. So, what happened? Actually, several things happened, but mainly my relationship with Jesus got better. When that relationship got better it simply trickled down into all my other relationships. Probably, the most pertinent thing I learned from Jesus is selflessness, the opposite of selfishness. It is a tough and constant lesson, but it is vital to relationships. It is especially vital in marriage.

Jesus was the most perfect example of selflessness. Since he was the son of God, he could’ve had everyone serve him. However, he chose to serve others. He spent much of his time wandering from town to town healing the sick. He said that the second most important commandment is “love your neighbor as you love yourself”. He also said, “love your enemies”. Ultimately, he was crucified, not because of anything he did wrong, but to pay the debt for all that we have done wrong. That’s some hardcore selflessness.

So, if we are supposed to be selfless enough to “love our enemies” and “love our neighbors as we love ourselves”, then how much more selfless should we be with our spouses? Ouch. It was hard, and it still is hard. But when I finally started putting her needs above mine, we had a breakthrough. Suddenly, she felt loved, and I felt respected, which was what we wanted all along. Things got better between us and quickly, too.

Being selfless will work in any relationship. It may take longer if the other person is not “on board” or if the other person has given up. The other person may also take advantage of the generosity and not reciprocate…..at first. But selflessness is contagious. Sooner or later the other person will see the changes and want to reciprocate the selflessness. That’s when the marriage gets better and life gets easier.

I’m ending all my posts with an invitation to accept Jesus. If you would like at accept Jesus simply pray the following prayer or one like it: “Dear Lord, I’m a sinner. I acknowledge that You sent Your son, Jesus, to die for my sins. I humbly accept Your son, Jesus, and I now further acknowledge that I am forgiven of my past sins, my present sins, and my future sins.” If you prayed that simple prayer, you are saved. Now, you need to follow Jesus. Start reading your Bible. I would suggest starting with Matthew, reading all of the New Testament, then reading the Old Testament. Also, find a good church. Christianity was never meant to be done alone. You need to be in community with other believers.